The one phone call Alex finally answered
by Tigeroo
Summary: The much asked for happy conclusion of my stories "Seven phone calls" and "Seven reasons". During 'Lead' Alex pleads her case. Will Olivia accept her back in her life? Alex/Olivia


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, well except for all typos and mistakes.

Spoilers up to "Lead" and "Ballerina". What did Alex say to make Olivia forgive her for disappearing?

This follows my recent story "Seven phone calls" and its companion "Seven reasons". A lot of you guys reviewed (thank you sooo much for that), and most of you wanted a happy ending, so tada, I am happy to oblige. I hope you enjoy reading it, any feedback is most welcome.

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**The one phone call Alex finally answered**

_"This is Alexandra Cabot's mailbox. Please leave a message."_

"Hi Alex, it's me, Olivia. Well, I can't say that I am surprised, I finally get your new cell number but I am still talking to your mailbox. Anyways, I uhm, I don't really know why I called you, I guess I just wanted to talk to you... It was surreal seeing you today, and I'm not sure I really understand why you... I mean what made... Ah well, you know what, forget it, I'll see you at work tomorrow, this was..."

"Liv?"

"Alex?", Olivia looked quizzical at her phone.

"Yes, sorry, I was just taking a shower. Why, you sound so surprised, who were you expecting?", Alex asked while rewrapping the towel around her head.

Olivia chuckled dryly. "Honestly? Your mailbox is a pretty good conversationalist."

Alex winced at the bitter tone in Olivia's voice. She knew she deserved Olivia's resentment, but being on the receiving end of the other woman's righteous anger and disappointment still hurt.

"About that..."

"It's OK Alex, I get it... No, actually I don't. You couldn't call us because you remembered how we were there when you were shot, but that doesn't stop you from suddenly walking into our crime scene?", Olivia was starting to let the hurt, anger, and confusion she had felt when she had found out that the Bureau Chief had been ignoring them finally bubble to the surface.

"I've never said that's why I didn't call... Elliot just assumed....", Alex tried to explain.

"Then why don't you tell me why exactly we didn't even rate a phone call. I mean, anything really. A postcard would have done, hell an email... 'Hi, I'm back, everything is OK, but the memories of SVU are too painful, please let me move on with my life.' We would have understood, Alex. But simply ignoring us, as if we had never existed?", Olivia's voice broke.

Alex swallowed nervously. This was it. Her last chance to explain herself to Olivia. To beg forgiveness, to get back a part of her life that had been missing since she had entered WP.

"I was scared", she finally whispered.

Olivia's breath hitched at the lost tone in the usually composed and strong voice.

"Of us?", she asked quietly. She could hear a sound that from any other person than Alexandra Cabot could have been classified as a sob.

"Of everything", the lawyer admitted. "I was gone for three years. So many things have changed. My mom has died. Casey had taken over my job, my spot on the team, my apartment was gone. And I have changed. I spent so much time trying not to be Alex Cabot that I wasn't sure who I was anymore. I just didn't see how I could fit into my old life."

"And since we were a part of your old life..", Olivia didn't finish.

"Yes, no, I mean, partially. It's not that I didn't want to see you, I just didn't know how I could. I was afraid that... That if I see exactly what I have lost I couldn't move on", the blonde confessed.

"You mean, your job?", the detective asked, slightly confused. "But I'm sure instead of making you Bureau Chief they could have..."

"No, Olivia, I don't mean the job, even though I missed being an ADA." Alex took a deep breath. "Do you know what I was afraid of the most?"

"No", Olivia answered. "Why don't you tell me?"

"You, Liv, I was afraid of you."

"Of me?", the brunette had to fight against her tears. "What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything, Liv. It's me. I was scared that you had moved on. Someone had already taken my place within the squad and from what I've heard Casey did a good job. I was scared that someone else had taken over my place in your private life as well. Some new friend to go for sushi with you, to make you make fun of them for not knowing a single NBA MVP, to rub your neck after you fixed their kitchen sink. And most of all I was scared that you had finally found someone to share your life with. A new lover, a new partner, a husband who's waiting at home for you, sharing your sorrows and joys. That you had found someone before..."

"Before what Alex?", Olivia asked in a strangled voice.

"You know, I don't remember much of being shot. Just a whole lot of pain and a sudden coldness. But I do remember the look in your eyes. Your voice when you tried to calm me. And I do remember the desperation I felt when I thought that I would never hear your voice again. And then I woke up in the hospital and Hammond wanted to whisk me away and I just knew I had to see you once more, to let you know that I didn't die in your arms, that my blood wasn't on your hands. When I saw you and Elliot that night, I knew something had changed. You had always been a very important part of my life, but in that moment you were the single most important thing that I could not let go of. My family, my job, my money, it was hard, but I could leave them behind in exchange for my life. But you....", Alex' voice trailed off.

"I kept thinking of you, while I was away. I thought about how it would be, to see you again, to tell you.... To tell you, what you mean to me. And then they told me, that I could finally go home. You were the first thing on my mind, and I wanted nothing more than to call you. But then I thought about what exactly I wanted to say to you. How to tell you, that somehow my feelings for you switched from friendship to lo... To something more. What if you had changed? What if you didn't even think of me anymore? And could you ever be interested in a woman that way to start with, I mean, it's not like we ever discussed this", the lawyer had to clear her throat as the emotions threatened to overwhelm her.

Olivia was eerily calm, but Alex could hear her rapid breathing. There was no way back now anyway, so she continued with her confession.

"I mean sometimes, when we went out to dinner, or stayed late at the precinct, you would look at me in a certain way, and while I was gone I hoped that maybe all of this time you had felt something for me as well, but you never said anything one way or the other. And I just knew, that if I would see you again, I couldn't not say anything. So yeah, what if I had told you, that while I was away and sharing my bed with a boring claims adjuster all I could think about was you. Would you have laughed at me? Pitied me? Told me that you were flattered but no thanks? Or the worst, would you have told me that I was too late? That once upon a time I had had a chance but there was someone else now? So many possible answers, so many possible rejections. I just couldn't risk it. I was finally back, but if I had lost you again it would have destroyed me. So I didn't call. I didn't go to see you. I read about you guys in the newspaper, I followed you cases, but I tried not to meet you. Then there was Robert. I know him from way back. We started dating, one day he proposed. Good family, old money, worshiped the ground I walked upon. Not too many feelings on my side. I liked him, I was content, he was safe. I accepted. But soon enough he noticed that I wasn't happy and I felt bad for leading him on. So we broke it off. I started to reclaim my life, be the real Alex Cabot again. When Jack told me about Grayleck, I immediately offered to fill in for her. I was ready. I'm done hiding Olivia. There is a really big chance that you will never forgive me for ignoring you, and there's an even bigger chance that you'll never return my feelings. But I will not live the rest of my life pretending to be someone that I am not. I already lost six years of my life, and I'm not willing to spend the rest of my days wondering whether I missed my chance at happiness because I am too much of a coward. I don't expect anything from you. I'd be eternally grateful if you considered taking me back into your life as a colleague and maybe friend. And if there comes the day where you want more than friendship, I'll be waiting with open arms. All I want is to finally be open with you. You have my heart Olivia. You've had it for years. What you do with it is completely up to you." Alex finished, the myriad of emotions finally taking their toll.

For a few minutes there was silence. Both women clutching their phones tight, lost in their emotions.

"Olivia, say something, please", the blonde finally pleaded.

"Hmm?", the detective said, being torn out of her daze. "I'm sorry Alex, I just needed a second to process what you've just told me. That was not... The explanation I expected."

"Do you need some time? Shall we talk about it tomorrow?", Alex asked, desperate for a reply, but understanding Olivia's confusion.

"No", Olivia finally said, her focus returning to the attorney. "I'm fine. I can't say that I expected to hear this from you. Ever. And I am shocked, I admit that. But, I am glad to finally hear the truth..."

Another minute of silence.

"Where does that leave us?", the former ADA inquired, still very nervous.

"Well", the detective replied with a grin, "you were always good at convincing the jury."

"What do you mean?"

"It means, that you are forgiven for hiding these last three years. And that I'd like to consider you a coworker and friend again. As for the rest, why don't I take you out for dinner once this case is solved and you can plead your case in great detail. I'm sure we can reach a verdict that is satisfying for both parties... So, sushi?"


End file.
